Last year a female officer in training was riding along with one of my beat partners. Typically when there is a training officer the senior officers have the PO (probationary officer) due all the work. First so as to get them used to being a cop, understanding paperwork, etc. etc. The other reason is so that we do not have to do all of the paperwork, etc. A lot of times we try and joke around with the individuals that we are dealing with at the expense of the training officer. This story is the reverse, the training officer, whether setting the individual up herself or not, made every single one of the 5 officers there (it was a cold boring night) laugh for 5 minutes.
Keep in mind that cops no matter how much of a hard ass they try to be or how serious they try to be love to make people nervous, uncomfortable, laugh (mainly jokes for other officers). Think Supertroopers. First if you have not seen this movie rent it and watch it. It is not a kids movie, so do not let them watch it. And yes cops do use the tricks in that movie among others. I recently used the "meow" with the radio operator on a stolen cat report she was trying to dispatch me on. She had to get off of the radio for a few minutes she was laughing so hard. This is why I love being a cop. It is a blast to do and it is one of the few occupations that are rewarding in humorous ways, in my opinion.
So an idiot (20 year old white male) guns his sports car in a left hand turn to beat traffic. He loses control and wraps his car around a tree. We are talking with him casually asking him if he is o.k, does he need an ambulance, etc. A few minutes pass and we decide he might have been drinking. Since the PO was new and had not dealt with a lot of DUI's we decided to let her do the FST's (Field Sobriety Tests). The guy passes most of the tests and we decide that he hasn't been drunk, but we make him think he is in trouble. At this time 4 of us are standing around the two guys in the car, including the PO. The PO, a female I might add, was doing all of the conversing, the rest of us are just watching and listening. At one point she lets slip that he had not completely passed all of the tests. The gentleman driving (idiot) goes on a plea that he was not drinking nor that he was drunk. The PO goes well if what a PBT test (roadside breathalizer)? The guy states "you can give me any test you want!! If you want to blow, I will do it!!" To our astonishment at a PO being this witty in the first few weeks, the female PO replies "No sir I do no want to blow you!!!" She said so matter of fact and calm that it flew right by the guys head, he did not understand at all. Myself and the other officers at this time turned around and tried to hide or hysterical laughing from view. Each time one of us would look at the other we would lose it again. Finally the guys that we were around starting to catch on and they started back tracking.
It was a hilarious line. It was one of the funniest moments I have witnessed as a cop. And we still tell it and laugh just as hard a year later.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
My Children of the Night
As I was writing my last post about non-police issues I was reminded about my job. I believe I briefly touched on this subject before, but I am apparently the father of 1 million people. Like most children there are some that are independent and do not need my help. THere are some that unfortunately need my help. And then there are those that repeatedly look to me to guide, punish, make decisions, and wipe their asses. Not really wipe their asses, but you know....
Why does this irk me so?? Well I'll tell you. Most people I deal with are idiots and the worst part is that they breed more idiots. I have had to literally tell people to go to their rooms and go to sleep. What is sad about it is that they do. It is as if they never grew up to adults and I have to continue caring for them. Policing is less about fighting crime anymore than it is raising citizens. People say that police work is 90% boredom and 10% fear. I disagree, I think it is 50% boredom (which is mainly filled with humor or trying to find it), 5 % eating, 10% fear, and 35% annoyed, frustrated, and pissed off at the ignorance of the world and having to deal with it.
This is just dealing with adults. Juveniles are their own problem. They realize what they are doing, don't care, and realize that police have little power to do anything about it. The problem with juveniles and society today is that juveniles have no consequence for their actions. Parents are scared to discipline them, police have no power (except in felony situations), and the courts don't punish them.
SO this was pretty disheartening, but I had to write about it. Let me know your thoughts for or against.
Why does this irk me so?? Well I'll tell you. Most people I deal with are idiots and the worst part is that they breed more idiots. I have had to literally tell people to go to their rooms and go to sleep. What is sad about it is that they do. It is as if they never grew up to adults and I have to continue caring for them. Policing is less about fighting crime anymore than it is raising citizens. People say that police work is 90% boredom and 10% fear. I disagree, I think it is 50% boredom (which is mainly filled with humor or trying to find it), 5 % eating, 10% fear, and 35% annoyed, frustrated, and pissed off at the ignorance of the world and having to deal with it.
This is just dealing with adults. Juveniles are their own problem. They realize what they are doing, don't care, and realize that police have little power to do anything about it. The problem with juveniles and society today is that juveniles have no consequence for their actions. Parents are scared to discipline them, police have no power (except in felony situations), and the courts don't punish them.
SO this was pretty disheartening, but I had to write about it. Let me know your thoughts for or against.
This and That...
This post is not about cop work. I have recently been doing some pretty cools things. One of which was the Monday night football game in Cleveland. We drove up on the Monday of the game, watched the game, then drove back after the game. I got home at 6 in the morning, had to get up for a dr's appointment at 11, then had to be at work at 3 oclock. I was exhausted. However, it was definitely worth it. I forgot how much fun pro football games are. Which leads me to my next point. I am excited about going to the Bengals game with my sister. I had a great time this summer when I took her to a Reds game and so hopefully this will be more of the same.
Finally, I go under the knife on Friday. I have a torn miniscus (sp) and it needs to be cut out. So hopefully I can remember some stories and write about them with the month off that I will have.
THat is all for now, I will try and get back to the good, gross, entertaining, and humorous stories.
Finally, I go under the knife on Friday. I have a torn miniscus (sp) and it needs to be cut out. So hopefully I can remember some stories and write about them with the month off that I will have.
THat is all for now, I will try and get back to the good, gross, entertaining, and humorous stories.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Really????
So made a run tonight on a sexual assault of a dog. Obviously none of us believed it at the time, however it was true. All I can say is that there are some really sick people out there. This dog was messed up and unfortunately I am not sure if it will survive. Oh and if you are wondering...we have him on 3 different felonies. This guy really "screwed the pooch". Sorry!!! Inappropriate but necessary.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
No your Not!!!
I completely forgot about this run I made last year until yesterday. The female officer I made it with brought it up at roll call and all of us had a pretty good laugh. You might not find this funny, but I thought it was.
This run was for a 60 year old man who was drunk and being a nuisance to his family. Really not much we can do about it since he was in his own home, but people feel we can get rid of their problems for them even if it is their husband and father. We get there and this old man is sitting in his rocking chair in the living room completely wasted. We end up talking to him for like 2 hours all told while we waited for an ambulance (he was stating that his leg and back hurt from where he got shot). He kept glaring at me every few minutes and finally I had to ask. "What is the problem?" He replied, "I don't think I like you and I think I could take you!!!" Mind you I have not said a word yet, it was the officers run and she was doing all the talking. Realizing he was drunk I let it slide. He kept at if for like 20 minutes, and then the main officer stepped in and asked why his leg was hurting. He stated it was because he got shot, and if he could he would grab our guns and try and hurt us so that we know what it was like to be shot. My other officer stated "I have been shot in my LEFT thigh, I was in rehab for 8 months and I still have pain in it to this day." The old man then changed his attitude and stated "I respect you all. Man I could not do your job, especially big fellas over there." What the officer said was funny because she had never been shot or anything close to it. I knew it, she knew it, and I think the family knew it. So it was hard not to laugh. Usually we try and come up with some humor, not at anyone's expense, but mainly to break up the dull and lame.
As we were still waiting the man realized he had not had a drink in a while. He stated "I am getting up to get a beer." We told him not he wasn't. In a pissed off drunken movement he stood up from his chair and again stated "I AM GETTING A BEER!!!" To which I moved forward about 2 feet from him and stated "No your not."(calmly) The officer told me later it was hilarious to watch as this old man cocked his head straight back and looked up realized what he was doing and stated "Your right, I'm Not!! Sorry!!!" And he sat back down. He repeated this little game 4 more times and each time determined to get a beer. And each time he sat back down and and stated "Your right, I'm Not!"
There was some more to the story. Most of it was not funny, just dull as we waited for EMS. What happened at the end was priceless though. the man as he was being taken to the ambulance asked the other officer why she did not have a limp. Realizing what he meant she proceeded to walk with a limp to the ambulance without saying a word to him. He nodded when he saw her limping on her RIGHT leg as if all was well now that she had a limp. At this point I lost it. She was limping on the wrong leg, did not limp at all during the 2 hours we were there, and he did not notice or care until she did what he thought she should be doing.
This was probably not funny to a reader. Had you been there it would have been one of the funniest things you have ever seen, I promise. Sorry if it was not humorous to you, but I had to write about it.
This run was for a 60 year old man who was drunk and being a nuisance to his family. Really not much we can do about it since he was in his own home, but people feel we can get rid of their problems for them even if it is their husband and father. We get there and this old man is sitting in his rocking chair in the living room completely wasted. We end up talking to him for like 2 hours all told while we waited for an ambulance (he was stating that his leg and back hurt from where he got shot). He kept glaring at me every few minutes and finally I had to ask. "What is the problem?" He replied, "I don't think I like you and I think I could take you!!!" Mind you I have not said a word yet, it was the officers run and she was doing all the talking. Realizing he was drunk I let it slide. He kept at if for like 20 minutes, and then the main officer stepped in and asked why his leg was hurting. He stated it was because he got shot, and if he could he would grab our guns and try and hurt us so that we know what it was like to be shot. My other officer stated "I have been shot in my LEFT thigh, I was in rehab for 8 months and I still have pain in it to this day." The old man then changed his attitude and stated "I respect you all. Man I could not do your job, especially big fellas over there." What the officer said was funny because she had never been shot or anything close to it. I knew it, she knew it, and I think the family knew it. So it was hard not to laugh. Usually we try and come up with some humor, not at anyone's expense, but mainly to break up the dull and lame.
As we were still waiting the man realized he had not had a drink in a while. He stated "I am getting up to get a beer." We told him not he wasn't. In a pissed off drunken movement he stood up from his chair and again stated "I AM GETTING A BEER!!!" To which I moved forward about 2 feet from him and stated "No your not."(calmly) The officer told me later it was hilarious to watch as this old man cocked his head straight back and looked up realized what he was doing and stated "Your right, I'm Not!! Sorry!!!" And he sat back down. He repeated this little game 4 more times and each time determined to get a beer. And each time he sat back down and and stated "Your right, I'm Not!"
There was some more to the story. Most of it was not funny, just dull as we waited for EMS. What happened at the end was priceless though. the man as he was being taken to the ambulance asked the other officer why she did not have a limp. Realizing what he meant she proceeded to walk with a limp to the ambulance without saying a word to him. He nodded when he saw her limping on her RIGHT leg as if all was well now that she had a limp. At this point I lost it. She was limping on the wrong leg, did not limp at all during the 2 hours we were there, and he did not notice or care until she did what he thought she should be doing.
This was probably not funny to a reader. Had you been there it would have been one of the funniest things you have ever seen, I promise. Sorry if it was not humorous to you, but I had to write about it.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Ingles Por Favor
With apologies to my brother who should not read this or restate it in any given way shape of form.
Just a real quick story of interpretation the other day. I made a run with 3 other officers for a fight run, essentially it was not a fight but a disagreement. Basically two african refugees that moved here and lived together in an apartment did not like each others girlfriends. That being said one did not want to let the others girl in the house, because " I not know her, I not trust her." I stated in about as many ways that I could that he could not tell his roommate that his girl was not allowed in the apartment.
Why this is funny is due to the next part. I state "He is allowed to bring in the apartment whoever he wants and you can not stop him. The same way he can not stop you from bringing your girl in." I went on to say that 4 more times, which he replied each time with "I not know her". Finally his girlfriend chimes in and states "Hold on let me speak english for a minute." She turns to her man and states, "He is saying that you can not tell (the roommate) who he can bring in this mother fucker, the same way he can not tell you not to bring me in this mother fucker."
I look at the man who appears to understand the girlfriend and just nods. I then look at the other officers who are laughing at this point. We give up and go to our cars at this point. As we are about to leave they yell from the second story, he is trying to throw me out again. Finally I say, as any parent would, "You go to your room and you go to your room (pointing at each individually) and go to sleep." That was followed by another officer on the megaphone yelling "Go to Bed!!!!"
This story is funny for two reasons. One apparently to understand a statement there has to be some 4 letter word to foreigners. And the second is that parenting has apparently been added to a police officers duties, for not just children but adults as well.
Just a real quick story of interpretation the other day. I made a run with 3 other officers for a fight run, essentially it was not a fight but a disagreement. Basically two african refugees that moved here and lived together in an apartment did not like each others girlfriends. That being said one did not want to let the others girl in the house, because " I not know her, I not trust her." I stated in about as many ways that I could that he could not tell his roommate that his girl was not allowed in the apartment.
Why this is funny is due to the next part. I state "He is allowed to bring in the apartment whoever he wants and you can not stop him. The same way he can not stop you from bringing your girl in." I went on to say that 4 more times, which he replied each time with "I not know her". Finally his girlfriend chimes in and states "Hold on let me speak english for a minute." She turns to her man and states, "He is saying that you can not tell (the roommate) who he can bring in this mother fucker, the same way he can not tell you not to bring me in this mother fucker."
I look at the man who appears to understand the girlfriend and just nods. I then look at the other officers who are laughing at this point. We give up and go to our cars at this point. As we are about to leave they yell from the second story, he is trying to throw me out again. Finally I say, as any parent would, "You go to your room and you go to your room (pointing at each individually) and go to sleep." That was followed by another officer on the megaphone yelling "Go to Bed!!!!"
This story is funny for two reasons. One apparently to understand a statement there has to be some 4 letter word to foreigners. And the second is that parenting has apparently been added to a police officers duties, for not just children but adults as well.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Old Man and the Cop
So my grandfather recently went for a ride along with me. It was very interesting and fun. For most the ride it was very boring according to my standards. I was looking to get into some action, however, even with the beautiful weather and sunny skies none was to be had. Finally we had a break. There was a robbery alarm that went off and we were the only car available. So we had to go code 3 to the run that was 10 minutes away with lights and siren. It was a two lane road that we were on so I did not have time to look over and see if grandpa was white knuckled or not. I will not say the exact speed, but rumor pray tells of upper double digits on a two lane road.
Anyways, another opportunity came on an injury accident. A drunk driver had a head on collision with a honda accord. The drunk was driving a dodge ram. Luckily no one was seriously injured, but one female (not wearing her seat belt I might add) flew forward and hit her head on the windshield and caused it to spider web. Well eventually we got the report done and headed down to the book with the drunk. This is only interesting because grandpa was able to see a breathalizer test as well as some unruly detainees at the book. He got a chuckle out of that.
Like most rides I hope to give people some action and get them to see some things that they don't normally see. This is to mainly get their eyes opened a little bit and let them have some stories to tell at work. Hopefully they find some humor, concern, appreciation, and respect for the job that police officers have to do. It is not all writing tickets, though some cops do love writing tickets I hate to do it. (That is a story in and of itself. People's reaction to being pulled over, their lack of understanding that they were guilty, and their so called integrity that they are innocent.)
Hopefully my grandpa enjoyed himself. He seemed too. It was nice to be able to spend some time with him, since I don't remember spending alone time with him in the past couple of decades. When I was in high school we were just to busy with sports. And in college the few months I lived in Michigan at the same time they did I didn't really have a chance to get over. The few times I did, as my grandma so eloquently put it "she always came along." (meaning my wife, girlfriend at the time). So grandpa thanks for going for a ride, putting up with my driving, and I hope you had a great time.
Anyways, another opportunity came on an injury accident. A drunk driver had a head on collision with a honda accord. The drunk was driving a dodge ram. Luckily no one was seriously injured, but one female (not wearing her seat belt I might add) flew forward and hit her head on the windshield and caused it to spider web. Well eventually we got the report done and headed down to the book with the drunk. This is only interesting because grandpa was able to see a breathalizer test as well as some unruly detainees at the book. He got a chuckle out of that.
Like most rides I hope to give people some action and get them to see some things that they don't normally see. This is to mainly get their eyes opened a little bit and let them have some stories to tell at work. Hopefully they find some humor, concern, appreciation, and respect for the job that police officers have to do. It is not all writing tickets, though some cops do love writing tickets I hate to do it. (That is a story in and of itself. People's reaction to being pulled over, their lack of understanding that they were guilty, and their so called integrity that they are innocent.)
Hopefully my grandpa enjoyed himself. He seemed too. It was nice to be able to spend some time with him, since I don't remember spending alone time with him in the past couple of decades. When I was in high school we were just to busy with sports. And in college the few months I lived in Michigan at the same time they did I didn't really have a chance to get over. The few times I did, as my grandma so eloquently put it "she always came along." (meaning my wife, girlfriend at the time). So grandpa thanks for going for a ride, putting up with my driving, and I hope you had a great time.
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