No your Not!!!

I completely forgot about this run I made last year until yesterday. The female officer I made it with brought it up at roll call and all of us had a pretty good laugh. You might not find this funny, but I thought it was.

This run was for a 60 year old man who was drunk and being a nuisance to his family. Really not much we can do about it since he was in his own home, but people feel we can get rid of their problems for them even if it is their husband and father. We get there and this old man is sitting in his rocking chair in the living room completely wasted. We end up talking to him for like 2 hours all told while we waited for an ambulance (he was stating that his leg and back hurt from where he got shot). He kept glaring at me every few minutes and finally I had to ask. "What is the problem?" He replied, "I don't think I like you and I think I could take you!!!" Mind you I have not said a word yet, it was the officers run and she was doing all the talking. Realizing he was drunk I let it slide. He kept at if for like 20 minutes, and then the main officer stepped in and asked why his leg was hurting. He stated it was because he got shot, and if he could he would grab our guns and try and hurt us so that we know what it was like to be shot. My other officer stated "I have been shot in my LEFT thigh, I was in rehab for 8 months and I still have pain in it to this day." The old man then changed his attitude and stated "I respect you all. Man I could not do your job, especially big fellas over there." What the officer said was funny because she had never been shot or anything close to it. I knew it, she knew it, and I think the family knew it. So it was hard not to laugh. Usually we try and come up with some humor, not at anyone's expense, but mainly to break up the dull and lame.

As we were still waiting the man realized he had not had a drink in a while. He stated "I am getting up to get a beer." We told him not he wasn't. In a pissed off drunken movement he stood up from his chair and again stated "I AM GETTING A BEER!!!" To which I moved forward about 2 feet from him and stated "No your not."(calmly) The officer told me later it was hilarious to watch as this old man cocked his head straight back and looked up realized what he was doing and stated "Your right, I'm Not!! Sorry!!!" And he sat back down. He repeated this little game 4 more times and each time determined to get a beer. And each time he sat back down and and stated "Your right, I'm Not!"

There was some more to the story. Most of it was not funny, just dull as we waited for EMS. What happened at the end was priceless though. the man as he was being taken to the ambulance asked the other officer why she did not have a limp. Realizing what he meant she proceeded to walk with a limp to the ambulance without saying a word to him. He nodded when he saw her limping on her RIGHT leg as if all was well now that she had a limp. At this point I lost it. She was limping on the wrong leg, did not limp at all during the 2 hours we were there, and he did not notice or care until she did what he thought she should be doing.

This was probably not funny to a reader. Had you been there it would have been one of the funniest things you have ever seen, I promise. Sorry if it was not humorous to you, but I had to write about it.

Ingles Por Favor

With apologies to my brother who should not read this or restate it in any given way shape of form.

Just a real quick story of interpretation the other day. I made a run with 3 other officers for a fight run, essentially it was not a fight but a disagreement. Basically two african refugees that moved here and lived together in an apartment did not like each others girlfriends. That being said one did not want to let the others girl in the house, because " I not know her, I not trust her." I stated in about as many ways that I could that he could not tell his roommate that his girl was not allowed in the apartment.

Why this is funny is due to the next part. I state "He is allowed to bring in the apartment whoever he wants and you can not stop him. The same way he can not stop you from bringing your girl in." I went on to say that 4 more times, which he replied each time with "I not know her". Finally his girlfriend chimes in and states "Hold on let me speak english for a minute." She turns to her man and states, "He is saying that you can not tell (the roommate) who he can bring in this mother fucker, the same way he can not tell you not to bring me in this mother fucker."

I look at the man who appears to understand the girlfriend and just nods. I then look at the other officers who are laughing at this point. We give up and go to our cars at this point. As we are about to leave they yell from the second story, he is trying to throw me out again. Finally I say, as any parent would, "You go to your room and you go to your room (pointing at each individually) and go to sleep." That was followed by another officer on the megaphone yelling "Go to Bed!!!!"

This story is funny for two reasons. One apparently to understand a statement there has to be some 4 letter word to foreigners. And the second is that parenting has apparently been added to a police officers duties, for not just children but adults as well.